Time sure does fly! I can't believe it's been 3 months since I last saw you and held you. 3 months ago today I gave birth to you, my perfect baby girl. I got to see how beautiful you are and finally hold you. Today we would of made you a little cake to celebrate how big you are getting. :) I know you are up there in heaven having fun with all your new friends. Time does heal. I'm no longer angry, I'm not sad anymore and I want to thank you for giving me the strength to go on. If you asked me 3 months ago today if I would be sad, I couldn't answer that. I didn't know where I'd be at, or how I'd feel now. Looking back and thinking of that comparing to where I am at today, I can honestly tell you how much stronger this whole experience has been to me. I've learned alot and changed for the better. I'd like to thank my beautiful daughter, Emery, for opening up my eyes and allowing my heart to open more to the acceptance of her absence. I love you, always.
This is a beautiful poem my sister wrote just for you. I loved it and every word was true.
When I was born, I had ten little fingers and ten little toes.
Everything had a place and was placed where it goes.
I have a mommy and a daddy who loved me with great care,
Two sisters and a brother- family who was always there.
There was a problem- my heart was a little weak,
God asked me it it were okay to be this way before I could speak.
'You will be able to meet your parents and family,
But you won't be able to spend much time there before called back to Me.
I need you here, dear Emery, for reasons I shall not explain
But you will touch the hearts of those you meet, never the same again.'
I thought for a while and marveled at the very idea,
That my time would be brief then consumed with grief, yet I said,
'My mommy named me Emery? Is that what daddy chose for me?'
He smiled a sweet smile and said,'- it's decided then,
You'll have a few months in waiting, a few days meeting then back to heaven.'
Everything had a place and was placed where it goes.
I have a mommy and a daddy who loved me with great care,
Two sisters and a brother- family who was always there.
There was a problem- my heart was a little weak,
God asked me it it were okay to be this way before I could speak.
'You will be able to meet your parents and family,
But you won't be able to spend much time there before called back to Me.
I need you here, dear Emery, for reasons I shall not explain
But you will touch the hearts of those you meet, never the same again.'
I thought for a while and marveled at the very idea,
That my time would be brief then consumed with grief, yet I said,
'My mommy named me Emery? Is that what daddy chose for me?'
He smiled a sweet smile and said,'- it's decided then,
You'll have a few months in waiting, a few days meeting then back to heaven.'
I was made, crafted by His loving, warm hands.
I slept in mommy's belly while she dealt with life's demands.
'Don't worry mommy,' I would remind her, writing the words in her tummy.
When her fingers touched mine for the first time, I was very happy.
When I heard daddy's voice, I reached out, wanting to be held.
These were the same arms that hugged, rocked my siblings to sleep.
Safety in daddy's arms and mommy's love- enduring promises to keep.
Each day, I treasured their voices and their touch.
There never was a doubt in me that I loved them very much.
Sister was very lively and yet always gentle with me,
Brother was a little scared getting used to a new baby,
I was very proud to have a beautiful family.
My heart ached a bit because I couldn't stay here long,
I thought I could change my mind if my will were strong.
I slept in mommy's belly while she dealt with life's demands.
'Don't worry mommy,' I would remind her, writing the words in her tummy.
When her fingers touched mine for the first time, I was very happy.
When I heard daddy's voice, I reached out, wanting to be held.
These were the same arms that hugged, rocked my siblings to sleep.
Safety in daddy's arms and mommy's love- enduring promises to keep.
Each day, I treasured their voices and their touch.
There never was a doubt in me that I loved them very much.
Sister was very lively and yet always gentle with me,
Brother was a little scared getting used to a new baby,
I was very proud to have a beautiful family.
My heart ached a bit because I couldn't stay here long,
I thought I could change my mind if my will were strong.
When I was born, I fought every inch of the way,
I tried my best, being put to the test, for two long days.'Emery, you made a promise to me: you would return when called. You can't have your way.
Don't you see how much pain you'll be in if I chose to let you stay?'
'I love them, please, I want to do right-'
'Then you'll have to come little Emery, this is not the way to be.'
I looked to the doctor explaining to my mom and dad,
That they were doing the best they could with all that they had.
I had imagined they'd be happier but instead they were sad.
'Is there no other way?' I asked quietly. 'That I could make them happy?'
'I asked you if it would be okay to have a life lived this way.
It was either this or never meeting them at all-'
'No! I would never want that! I didn't know how painful it would be
To love these people who have just met me
And how painful it would be to leave.
Yet, to meet them still? I would've always agreed.'
Softly, with a kiss to each cheek,
I said goodnight and farewell to mommy and daddy.
| In my dreams, I laid in their arms and dreamt warm dreams. It was a brief sleep. I was in the clouds again, watching and guiding them, Wishing I could kiss every tear, chase away all fears, And never say goodbye. There isn't a waking moment where I am not watching over my family. There are even those times in dreams where I fold up my wings And dream of kissing mommy, hugging daddy, and sleeping in their arms. |
Thank you to my sister for this beautiful poem. It made me cry when I first read it, so I wanted to share with you.
Happy 3 months Emery Ellena. Always & Forever in my heart. Time will come and go, but you'll stay with me forever.
Love always,
Mommy xoxo
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