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| x A gift to myself, from Emery x |
Today we recognize all the beautiful mothers. For all mothers who have lost a baby, today is our day. I want to wish all the mothers lots of warm thoughts in hopes that they find comfort today. For some mothers they are hurting; as for me I'm not. I don't want to be sad today. I have come to peace with accepting Emery's absence and I don't want to spend the rest of my life in sadness. Yes, I am still grieving but I've learned to turn the sadness and negativity into something positive. I know my angel is still here with me. The other day she gave me a sign just to remind me, when I felt like I was losing her. I was in Pahrump 2 weeks ago with my husband, my dad and my brothers. We were riding in the car and looking out the window I was thinking about her. Thinking of what she would of been like, what she would of been doing. I thought about calling my mom who was watching my other two kids just to check to see what Emery was doing. :( Overwhelmed with sadness at that moment, just at the right time her song came on. The same exact song I always listen to when I think of her. I didn't say anything while everyone was talking and I was glad nobody turned the station. I began to cry softly and smiled. Just at the right time, when I was really sad here Emery goes to do something just to cheer up mommy. I miss her so much!
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| x For my sister Elizabeth (mommy of Zoe) x |
I can't believe it's almost been 3 months since my beautiful girl left this earth. I know she's always with me and now she and her cousin in heaven to keep her company. Today is for you two. I love you both always and you two will always have a special place in my heart. I stay strong for you both. My lovely niece Zoe Amberlyn who passed on June 10, 2007 (which is my sister's daughter). Can't believe she'll be 4 years next month. She is a year older than my oldest daughter, Desirey, therefore making her the first grandchild. :) I'm going to think of something special to do for you both to honor your memory and keep it alive. Next month, we are taking a family vacation to Sacramento, California (where my sister lives) and we'll celebrate their memory together. Although I never met you Zoe, Auntie Tina will always love you. I know she welcomed my baby girl into heaven with open arms. Today started off good. I am so lucky to have my daughter within my reach. Anyday, anytime I know I can always see you whenever I feel down. Thank you Emery, for opening up my eyes and my heart to learn what forgiveness is and understanding acceptance. It's so hard everyday, but with God's guidance and your love I am able to remain strong. I am so thankful for the wonderful support groups I've met as they have helped me tremendously with my grief. I am a different person now, thanks to the amazing angel moms I have met. I'd like to also thank my wonderful husband for keeping me strong and always supporting me. I'd like to thank my 2 lovely kids for keeping me focused and on my toes. Without them, I'd be lost. I'd like to my parents for always keeping an open mind available whenever I needed or wanted to talk about Emery. I'd like to thank my sisters for their advice and different personalities since each of them have a unique quality about them. Also thanks to my brothers for making me smile. I love you guys and I'm very blessed to have you all in my life.
Love always,
Mommy xoxo
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